Are You Looking For A Way To Repair And Restore Your Relationship?
Do you feel unhappy, underappreciated, or lonely in your marriage? Are you and your partner constantly getting into arguments that always end without a compromise or solution? Do you have a hard time filtering your words or controlling your emotions when you have a disagreement?
Perhaps you avoid communicating altogether because you don’t know how to approach topics without creating more conflict. As a result, maybe a distance is growing in your relationship that you don’t know how to bridge on your own.
Many Factors Can Create Disconnection In A Relationship
There may be differences in expectations for sex, parenting, or decision-making that are fueling resentment and anger. You may be so focused on your career that you can’t achieve a healthy work/life balance and end up bringing your frustration and fears home. Or maybe you are in an LGBTQ relationship, and the stress from family and social forces is creating tension between you.
Intimacy or trust issues from a past experience could be making it difficult to fully connect with or be vulnerable around your partner. Or it may be that your relationship or marriage has been damaged by addiction, porn use, or infidelity, and you don’t know if you can even rely on your partner anymore.
Whatever you are going through, I want to assure you that there is hope for repairing and even deepening your connection with your partner. With my help as a couples counselor, I believe you can enjoy a happier, healthier, and more engaged relationship.
Couples Can Benefit From Support In Any Stage Of Their Relationship
Each phase of life introduces new and unfamiliar obstacles that can be difficult to overcome on one’s own. And each partnership eventually runs into conflict; it’s just a natural part of learning how to co-exist.
However, most individuals were never taught in their youth how to communicate or manage conflict in a productive, peaceful way. They weren’t always shown how to form and maintain healthy, supportive relationships fortified by empathy and individual empowerment. And some people were raised in homes that exposed them to toxic, perhaps even abusive experiences that follow them throughout life.
How Do These Factors Affect Couples?
As adults, many of these individuals find themselves getting into relationships that mirror what they witnessed growing up. Harmful behaviors, negative self-perceptions, and unrealistic expectations for a partner can all be influenced by past experiences.
Additionally, relationships are strongly affected by each person’s unique attachment style—something which defines how one connects to and feels connected to others. And with social media, television, and magazines purveying impossible standards for love and marriage, it’s easy to see why so many couples seem unhappy.
Unfortunately, many couples only seek therapy after years of emotional distress. Often that’s because they can’t see the negative cycles or patterns that the relationship starts to develop. Instead, they focus on the conflict itself.
However, a couples therapist and marriage counselor can help you see the whole picture and empower you to work as a team to address the true challenges at the root of your conflict.
Couples Therapy Can Help You Heal The Heart Of Your Relationship
Like many couples, you are probably hesitant to address conflict directly because you worry that it will only result in more arguments. However, working with a couples therapist gives you an impartial yet compassionate ally who will help you team up and fight the problem together. It will show you the true root of the problem and determine the specific tools you need to repair and improve your relationship.
What You Can Expect Initially During Couples Counseling
For your convenience and privacy, I conduct all of my couples therapy sessions online. So after a free, 15-minute phone consultation to answer any questions and to make sure we are a good fit with each other, I’ll provide you with some paperwork to fill out electronically. This will give you a chance to briefly describe your experiences, concerns for the relationship, and what you want out of counseling.
In our first online counseling session, I’ll meet with you both as a couple to go over the general details of your relationship. Then, I’ll talk with each of you individually to get a more candid take on your situation. From there, you’ll begin working as a couple to heal any wounds from the past while building skills to improve your relationship in the present.
What Will Subsequent Couples Therapy Sessions Look Like?
After I have established each person’s concerns and goals for therapy, we’ll concentrate on identifying and understanding any cycle of conflict you may be caught in. We’ll also seek to understand each person’s role in that cycle, what those unhealthy patterns represent, and where they originate.
With that new insight, you can begin stopping conflict before it starts—or if you find yourself in a negative cycle, you can shift into a more productive communication style. At the same time, we can collaborate on developing skills that will enhance your attachment and deepen the connection you have with your partner.
Using client-directed goals, I seek to create a collaborative treatment plan that is tailored to each couple and to each individual in the relationship.
Some Of The Tools I Use In Couples Therapy
As a therapist, I believe the greatest intervention for healing relationships is the Gottman Method—often considered the gold standard in couples counseling. Among other challenges, the Gottman Method helps couples overcome what’s known as the Four Horsemen of relational conflict: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stone-Walling.
It teaches couples how to resolve conflict, communicate effectively, foster mutual trust, and how to turn toward each other rather than away.
I also draw from attachment theory, which explores the innate connection between one’s relational development and the emotional attachments formed early in life. That, in turn, helps inform why people in relationships behave and feel the way they do.
Another technique I use—called the Miracle Question—helps couples establish a starting point for pursuing their goals. Ultimately, it enables couples to visualize and actualize their ideal relationship.
I’ll ask a simple question, such as, “If you could imagine feeling respected, supported, and loved unconditionally, what would that look like?” Then, based on your responses, I’ll show you and your partner how to take tangible steps in that direction.
Combined, these treatment methods create a dynamic and comprehensive approach to repairing and restoring relationships.
Couples Counseling Can Offer You Hope For A More Profound, Loving Connection
Though it may seem unlikely, you really can be re-taught how to have healthy and functioning relationships. With my help, you can identify personal triggers to conflict while learning how to regulate your emotional responses to those triggers.
And in the process, I’ll teach you how to build trust, improve communication, and generate greater empathy for one another. In time, you and your partner can enjoy a healthier attachment that is more validating and fulfilling on every level.
Perhaps You Are Considering Couples Therapy, But You Still Have Concerns…
Is couples counseling effective?
Whether it’s communication, intimacy issues, infidelity, or any other problems, couples counseling provides you with a team member who can give you insight that you wouldn’t otherwise have. It also gives you practical tools and skills that you can use to head off problems in the future without a therapist. So with your commitment, there truly is a possibility for change.
Does counseling spell the end for my marriage or relationship?
Working with a couples or marriage therapist is about providing you with the impartial advice and professional support needed to decide what is best for you, your partner, and your relationship. I don’t have an agenda, and I’ll never push or prod you in any one direction. Rather, my job is to help you work together as a team to achieve your goals and create change on your own terms.
If I’m looking for help with my relationship or marriage, doesn’t that mean it’s already too late?
Not at all. Many couples have the misconception that if you need guidance in your relationship that something is fundamentally broken. But the truth is that many couples invest in therapy because it is a powerful way to heal. Just as you would go to a doctor or mental health professional if you didn’t feel well, couples therapy is simply a way to make something good even better.
Let Me Help You Heal The Heart Of Your Relationship
If you are tired of conflict getting in the way of you and your partner enjoying the relationship you once had, I can help. Please text or call 619 944 3936 for a free, 15 to 20-minute consultation—or you can contact me via [email protected] or lifeinabundancetherapy.com for your first session.